The Humble Origins of Sir Hubert, Part II
I have always had a great affinity for facial hair. But this has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm about to talk about.
Upon the death of my father, I was determined to succeed in life. His demise, coupled with my dissatisfaction with lower-class dustbins, urged me to seek a quality of existence that my father and his generation had not quite been able to grasp. I merely needed a divine spark, to ignite the proverbial fire of my inner passion and, in doing so, hopefully not cause conflagration in my proverbial knickers.
This spark came in the form of the Jaffa Cake industry, which at the time was suffering heavily from foreign competition, executive corruption, and worker fatalities. The Jaffa Cake industry was, quite literally, crumbling before my eyes, and I decided then and there that it needed a savior. The final straw came with the death of my mother who, having lived past the estimated life expectancy of 34, was looking like she might just have made it to retirement, had it not been for the Great Bundt Massacre of '02, in which our German competition staged a hostile corporate takeover, involving the fatalities of over 40 workers. My mother actually withstood the initial assault and held her ground quite well until the Germans (who were certainly known for their biological warfare), released B.S.E. (Bundt Spongiform Encephalopathy) into the cake mixture, decimating the desserts and killing all the remaining workers.
Vowing to avenge the fate of my mother and to redeem the dying industry, I entered into the same factory at the tender age of 17 and quickly worked my way up the ranks so that, by the time of my 18th birthday, I was CEO of the British Jaffa Cake Corporation. For the first time since the great Jaffa Boom of the Crimean War, corporate profits soared. I did away with the company's outsourcing, improved the marketing campaign to reach the younger generation, eliminated foreign competition, introduced new lines of products (such as Jaffa Jacks, Jaffy Paffies, Jaff Snax, and my critically acclaimed turnip flavor), and won back the hearts and stomachs of the British people.
I was shortly after awarded the Nobel Prize for "Outstanding Culinary Achievement and Edible Contributions Towards Mankind" and was even featured for an interview on "The Jolly Good Show!" It was then that I received notification of my rather unexpected acceptance to Oxenfridge, but I will save that yarn for another day. Cheerio, chaps!
Upon the death of my father, I was determined to succeed in life. His demise, coupled with my dissatisfaction with lower-class dustbins, urged me to seek a quality of existence that my father and his generation had not quite been able to grasp. I merely needed a divine spark, to ignite the proverbial fire of my inner passion and, in doing so, hopefully not cause conflagration in my proverbial knickers.
This spark came in the form of the Jaffa Cake industry, which at the time was suffering heavily from foreign competition, executive corruption, and worker fatalities. The Jaffa Cake industry was, quite literally, crumbling before my eyes, and I decided then and there that it needed a savior. The final straw came with the death of my mother who, having lived past the estimated life expectancy of 34, was looking like she might just have made it to retirement, had it not been for the Great Bundt Massacre of '02, in which our German competition staged a hostile corporate takeover, involving the fatalities of over 40 workers. My mother actually withstood the initial assault and held her ground quite well until the Germans (who were certainly known for their biological warfare), released B.S.E. (Bundt Spongiform Encephalopathy) into the cake mixture, decimating the desserts and killing all the remaining workers.
Vowing to avenge the fate of my mother and to redeem the dying industry, I entered into the same factory at the tender age of 17 and quickly worked my way up the ranks so that, by the time of my 18th birthday, I was CEO of the British Jaffa Cake Corporation. For the first time since the great Jaffa Boom of the Crimean War, corporate profits soared. I did away with the company's outsourcing, improved the marketing campaign to reach the younger generation, eliminated foreign competition, introduced new lines of products (such as Jaffa Jacks, Jaffy Paffies, Jaff Snax, and my critically acclaimed turnip flavor), and won back the hearts and stomachs of the British people.
I was shortly after awarded the Nobel Prize for "Outstanding Culinary Achievement and Edible Contributions Towards Mankind" and was even featured for an interview on "The Jolly Good Show!" It was then that I received notification of my rather unexpected acceptance to Oxenfridge, but I will save that yarn for another day. Cheerio, chaps!
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